non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
