I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
