I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i drank out of a bidet.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize