So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
