Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
