Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
