You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
