But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
