last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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