god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
