i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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