Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
