I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
