Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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