fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
