hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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