I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
