i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
