its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
