She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
