I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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