found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
