Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.

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(858): View more from California

I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.

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(706): View more from Georgia

I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself

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(707): View more from California

Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE

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(847): View more from Illinois

It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth

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