She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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