Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
