I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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