I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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