I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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