I wish I could teleport
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
