we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
