I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
