I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
