she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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