I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
