is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
