I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
