hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
