yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
