i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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