Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
