I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize