By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
