Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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