found the other keg... it's in the tree
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
