Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
