I'm so fucking centered right now
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
