she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
