CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
