there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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