Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
