Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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