Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
