please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
