i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
