Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
