I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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