i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
