I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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