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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize