these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
