I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
