Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
