I must be too annoying 4 u.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
