when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
