Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
