i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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