More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
