Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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