Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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