I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
