I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
