She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
