I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
