He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
