can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
