babies were throwing up all over the place
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
