He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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