does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize