Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We have started to decorate penises.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
