Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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