He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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