I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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