I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
