hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize