Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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