uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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