Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
