just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize