just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
