so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
