i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
