i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
