It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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