Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
