So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
