ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
