just come out here and I will go home with you...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
