Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
