So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
