I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
