I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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