carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
