Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
