I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
