She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
