the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
