Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
