so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
someone owes me an orgasm
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
